I passed out in the bathroom this evening.
One second I was at the sink, rinsing anti-septic mouthwash over my ulcers and, the next, BANG! On the floor.
All of which made for a rotten ending to a terrible day.
My throat is now completely burned away inside. The salivary glands and tastebuds are gone and the soft tissue is just a wall of ulcers. The only way I can swallow is by spraying artificial saliva into the back of my throat (yep, you heard…) but, even then, it’s agony.
My tongue is covered in blisters, my neck is stiff and the skin on my lips is peeling away nicely.
As a result, I finally had to admit that I can no longer eat via my mouth. I’d known this was a possibility ever since I’d had the stomach peg fitted but, I’ll be honest, part of me just didn’t believe it would get that far.
Kirsty made me a bowl of very runny Ready Brek this morning, but I may as well have been trying to eat a selection of the finest scorpion arseholes. I just couldn’t do it.
So, I unclipped by peg, filled it with nutrient-rich milkshake, and breakfast was served…
…and that will also be every other meal for the next four weeks, at least.
My radiotherapy session – R11/19 – went as well as could be expected, although I did feel a little light-headed after I came out. Lack of sleep and no real food for days. Had to be. I’d be fine after a rest.
But, things took a turn for the worse when Kirsty and I arrived home. I went for a lie down, and had just got into bed when a whole new brand of side-effect dropped in to say hello.
My throat muscles and windpipe went into spasm, flooding my chest, neck and head with sharp, shooting pains.
For a brief second, I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack. That I’d suffered some kind of bizarre reaction to today’s RT session and was now paying the price.
I thought I was going to die.
It took Kirsty a good twenty minutes to calm my resulting tear-stained panic attack and, even then, she kept her finger hovering over the phone’s ‘9’ button until the pain began to subside.
I did manage to get a nap for an hour or so after that, then it was up and at ’em to pour another couple of milkshakes down my tube. After which, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and rinse my mouth, and…
…well, we’re back at the very start of this post again.
I’m feeling down tonight, which I think is damn well allowed. I did go to bed earlier to read for a while, but have just got up to pour some liquid painkillers and yet another 300ml of laxative (‘cos, that’s not happened yet, either!) in via my insert pipe.
Then, I’m going back to bed.